Spanked Arse

Later on Sunday, many football fans tuned into the Barcelona - Real Madrid game. Billed as the best fixture in the world, the match dubbed 'el clasico` was rubbish, an exercise in two sides trying not to lose and with a gameplan to cancel each other out through players getting into each others` faces and stifling the midfield. Given the players on the pitch (six of the ten finalists for this year`s Ballon d`Or were involved in the match), there was little quality on display.

By contrast, the game at the Emirates was a riveting spectacle. Unless you were an Arsenal fan, in which case, it must have been quite painful. It was a lesson in football and how to destroy reputations in 90 minutes. How to make the most of your advantages and nullify the opposition`s qualities.

But despite being comprehensively outplayed on the pitch and second best in all areas, one man saw something different. Yes, the manager who became famous for not seeing when his players committed red card offences, saw a match whereby "absolutely everything went for Chelsea". Arsène Wenger added that "The score is a very unfair reflection of the game but it is the score. The first shot on goal they scored and with their second cross they scored."

Wenger then went on to declare that his team were on top in all areas except the scoreline. "I am used to definite conclusions from people who see the score and have great knowledge. But I believe, let people talk and let's play tomorrow and go back to training and practice."

"And that's always what you get in an excessive world. I personally believe from what I've seen, that was not the case. I never had the impression that we could not win this game we were quite on top for a lot of the game." Pausing to take his meds, Arsène declared that "If you come on Tuesday, I will give you an analysis of the game, physically, technically, and you will be surprised. But I cannot stop you from having your own conclusions. Because when Drogba pushes one away or Ivanovic makes three fouls and pushes people away against Villa, he looks much stronger. But you would be surprised if you see the final analysis of the game, they have an advantage in the impact, but that didn't make them win the game today. In the play today, you will see them 60 percent behind the ball, and that has nothing to do with physical impact."

Eh? This comes from the man who, before the game, boasted that "We cannot be considered a young team any more. We have to show we have grown up. There comes a period for every team when they have to show their strengths. For us, this moment has arrived. Chelsea will be one of our biggest tests and we have to prove we are ready, focused and confident. We have to win all our home games against the title fighters. If we do that, we can put ourselves in a very strong position."

But Arsenal didn`t, they failed their biggest test, so maybe they still are a young team. A project. A work in progress. They are, in Arsène`s assessment, not in a strong position.

Any assessment of Arsenal`s possession ratios, of the percentage of short passes that met their target, are completely meaningless. These are figures that help explain why you win or lose. However, yesterday Chelsea had only 44% possession and 80,2% pass rate compared to Arsenal`s 83,3%. There is no point having the ball more than the opposition when you can`t use it. Arsène`s tactics, selection, preparation are all wrong virtually by definition if he loses 3-0 at home, nobody will take consolation from a load of numbers as the key statistic, the scoreline, is the one that matters.

Tellingly, most of the commentocracy disagree with Wenger. 'Have faith in Le Professeur` is what Arsenal fans usually declare. Virtually all the Arsenal blogs are saying something different this morning: the gap between Arsenal and Chelsea is a gulf that Arsenal are not likely to bridge this season. This is because Arsenal`s true worth was cruelly exposed yesterday, but also because Chelsea are fast running away at the top of the table. In all areas Chelsea are currently the best team in the table: they have scored as many goals as 'free-scoring` Arsenal, but have combined devastation at the front with stinginess at the back, failing to concede in hours and hours. Chelsea`s goal difference is currently 11 better than second-placed Manchester United.

Above all, this Chelsea have a mental strength. The decision to disallow a goal yesterday was harsh, but it is hard to argue that that was the key moment in the match. Chelsea are back to the feelings of invincibility that they enjoyed under the halcyon José Mourinho days.

That`s a mental strength that comes from physical domination. Arsenal`s squad was considerably smaller than Chelsea`s, and it showed. Arsenal`s defence filled their shorts when Nicolas Anelka or Didier Drogba came in, and lost any number of one on ones. William Gallas was at fault for Drogba`s first goal, and Tomas Vermaelen (who otherwise has started very well in England) felt the need to intervene with Drogba in the vicinity for the second.

And Carlo Ancelotti is making the most of his squad. By definition, he got everything right yesterday. Many were surprised at Jon Obi Mikel`s inclusion ahead of, say, Michael Ballack, but Ancelotti already said that he has five midfielders and three places, so some rotation is in order. That rotation is to keep players fresh and to try out nuances in formation and personnel.

For the Arsenal fans, this made for unpleasant and painful viewing. Those in the ground deserve what they saw for their moronic booing of Ashley Cole. This is the fourth season since Cole left Arsenal, he hasn`t said very much (apart from positive things) about Arsenal, Arsenal fans should get over it. Yet they booed every time the left-back touched the ball. It was pathetic to hear. In particular it was counter-productive as it did not succeed in destabilising Cole, who provided two key crosses leading to goals, successfully shutting up the boo boys.

But the Emirates faithful had a worse afternoon. The referee, Andre Marriner, stopped play when an object (believed to be a camera) was thrown at Frank Lampard as he prepared to take a corner. Mariner`s reaction to the incident was exemplary: he took the object to the 4th official, and mentioned the incident in his match report. The FA will now contact the Gunners as they gather further information and judge whether sanctions are in order.

In any case, the Arsenal faithful received enough punishment. That includes the humiliation of being seen leaving the ground in droves with 20 minutes to go. By the final whistle, the Emirates was half empty. Some faithful and loyal support.

My old man used to say that, when you score three goals away, it`s in any case a great result. To come to the Emirates and win 0-3 is an extraordinary achievement, against a team that had clocked up straight wins at home until now. In the process, Chelsea might have broken Arsenal`s title chances by exposing them cruelly.

But the final word has to go to Didier Drogba, or more precisely Arsène Wenger`s description of the striker. "He's a good player," said Wenger, who added that the Pacific Ocean is a little humid. "It's funny because he doesn't do a lot but he is efficient in what he does. You would be surprised by the number of balls that he touched today. Drogba is in a period where he kicks the ball and it goes in".

Yes, apart from scoring 14 goals for Chelsea (and being the top scorer not only of the Blues but of every Premier League side), creating a record number of assists, steamrollering over defenders, carrying out more than his fair share of defensive duties, what exactly does Didier Drogba do?

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