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An Interview with Guess Who!

An Interview with Guess Who!

Ladies and gentlemen welcome to Vital Chelsea news.

We are your hosts for tonight Merlin and Saber. Tonight we present to you a very special guest, the man who is the best Russian oligarch in the world, the man who has pumped in a billion dollars to make Chelsea a force to reckon with.

But what is he really like behind the scenes?

Let`s go to his yacht and find out!

We are now aboard Mr Abramovich`s biggest yacht. As most of you know Roman owns a large fleet of yachts commonly referred by the media as the 'The Roman Navy`.

Roman awaits us in the customized bar. (We walk in).

Merlin - 'Good morning Mr Abramovich'

Roman (to his guard) - Strrk prrk perkvich krrrk prrrk perkvich

The Guard (to merlin) - the boss says you look familiar Merlin. I`m not sure why but this is our first meeting.

The guard (to roman) - krrrk prrrk urrk meeetovich.

Roman- Aaaaaah! Welcome to my humble abode fellow Chelsea fans. Please take a seat. What can I get you to drink?

Merlin - No thanks Mr. Abramovich me missus won`t take it too well going home all drunk yeh know.

Roman - I insist. (Guard points gun at merlin)

Merlin - Single malt whiskey on the rocks

Roman - And you little punk, with the Brazilian looking face?

Saber - A beer would be just fine thanks.

Roman - Good. (Calls bartender) One single malt whiskey on the rocks, one large beer and one vodka martini, fired but not stirred.

Roman - So what brings you hear my friends.

Merlin - I`m merlin and this is saber and we....

Roman - How much?

Merlin - I`m sorry?

Roman - How much to buy you?

Merlin - But we are not for sale.

Roman - So I`ve to wait till January transfer window. Man with white hair can be manager, and Brazilian kid can be in team. I`m buying people with scary names - Hazard, Oscar, Moses, Cesar and now merlin and saber. (Laughs) Can you make Torres score?

Saber - Doubt anyone can

Roman - You are fired! (Bartender walks in) (Roman sips drink)

Roman - This vodka martini is not fired. bartender. You are fired! Yes now let`s start with this interview. Wait! Man with white hair and single raised eyebrow

Merlin - Me?

Roman - Yes! You! I fired you two seasons ago. Why are you still here?

Saber - Err this is Merlin. That was Carlo Ancelloti. They just look alike Mr Abramovich

Roman - I see. I fire him anyway.

Merlin - Why?

Roman - Because I`m in a fiery mood

Saber - Because we lost the World Cup?

Roman - Yes!

Merlin (grinning) - So big boss when is Benitez getting fired?

Roman - Soon. Soon. But first you are fired

(merlin stops grinning)

Merlin - Alright big boss, why did you sack Roberto Di Matteo after he won you the Holy Grail?

Roman - I was watching the Juventus game and it hit me, no bald manager loses a game by three goals. If you have no hair, you should be wise. Robbie was aching for a breaking. You don`t make Russian oligarch unhappy and if you do you deserve to undergo pain.

Saber - But he had no time!

Merlin - Time is for losers.

Roman - I had a bet with @mq a kid from your site as to who is better in FIFA manager 2012. I win. He had to sell his house, clothes, hair and other things but still not enough. Now I have to point out that if you beat @mq in FIFA manager 2012 then you are better than Di Matteo.

Merlin - What are your expectations on the new manager?

Roman - Do you think if he loses 2 more games I will not fire him? (Silence) No! And this time the pain will be physical. One day I`ll find a manager who can never lose.

Saber - What was your reaction when we won the Champions League?

Roman - I buy another one!

Merlin - Does it bother you that the fans did not like the decision?

Roman - I buy the decision and I buy like. If any fan is still unhappy I fire him.

Saber - Your ex-manager AVB takes pot shots at you on a weekly basis.

Roman - That is because he is a cry baby living in a post World War II ghetto called Tottenham.

Merlin - Will you buy Falcao?

Roman - His name sounds scary. So yes!

Saber - Then what about Torres?

Roman - Like Sheva. He can become my match-day buddy. Now my time is over. I have to play FIFA 13. You both are fired!

Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Date:Tuesday December 18 2012
Time: 4:45PM


Saber, u are very funny with the way u portray roman in here, if he gets to read this I am sure he'll fire u as one of the members of this site
18/12/2012 17:08:00
Havana funny stuff... I wonder how funny roman would find this. good humour maybe that's what the Chelsea fans need these days just a little something to cheer them up
18/12/2012 17:11:00
Lol. I instantly scrolled down to see if in fact it is saber. Thank God I'm not disappointed. Good to have you back m8! Ok I go up and read now xD
18/12/2012 17:17:00
Haha. Fired, but not stirred... Lol niiiiiiice ;)
18/12/2012 17:22:00
18/12/2012 17:27:00
Sums up Abranovich perfectly. I like mny others, only wasted £3000 going to Japan ! A lot less than him buying up toy after toy, that simply don`t fit into his toy cupboard. Unless he gets serious people who know something about football around him very quickly, things are going to implode.
18/12/2012 17:41:00
There is only one Saber!!!!!!!
18/12/2012 17:55:00
Hahahahaha! Saber's BACK!!!!!!
18/12/2012 17:58:00
Roman: I insist and the Guard turns a gun at Merlin??? Lmao!!
18/12/2012 18:00:00
Lolz...@ 'i insist (guard pointing gun...)' ...Nice stuff. Saberical!
18/12/2012 18:03:00
Btw, good timing for this write up. Will be of help to the rather flaring tempers of the blue nation in here. We could really use some comic relief.
18/12/2012 18:12:00
You legend...haha...this site did need a lil bit of stirring up to lighten the mood. Good stuff saber.
18/12/2012 18:35:00
Saber my man..thanks so very much ..after weeks of being in a very sour mood this made me chuckle big time..hilarious stuff...the thing is that i have this sneaky suspicion that the reality may not be that far from the parody you have painted.
18/12/2012 18:37:00
Hahaha...cant stop laffin,another gr8 saberistic masterpiece
18/12/2012 19:02:00
GabeU, LoLzZ, i thought so too. The painted picture will surely not be far from the real one.
18/12/2012 19:03:00
GabeU, LoLzZ, i thought so too. The painted picture will surely not be far from the real one.
18/12/2012 19:03:00
This is crazy! One of the most creative articles i've read.
18/12/2012 19:05:00
Ahahahahahahahahahah we're all fired from being fans wnd roman should be fired from running the club! lol good laughs
18/12/2012 19:06:00
LOL made for some fun reading, hope this article will mark the start of a lighter period for chelsea fun's, we've really hard it bad with loses coming from all direction's, hope the good moment starts against leed's 2mor we really need it!
pego sama
18/12/2012 19:40:00
great!!! no bald person looses by 3 goals??????? hhahahaaa.. great article mate saber
18/12/2012 19:44:00
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