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Old Friends Chatting?

Our friends, over at the Daily Star, have run an article this morning that offers hope to all those who yearn for the return of Jose Mourinho to Chelsea Football Club.

They point out that the 49 year-old has been having regular phone chats with our owner Roman Abramovich and that they`ve also been sending each other text messages.

Now I`ve no idea as to whether there is any truth in this but it does provide us with the ideal opportunity to present you with a chance to display your wit.

We`re asking you the Vital Chelsea membership, to offer us, via the comments box, a spoof one line text conversation between the two gentlemen, but please remember to keep the suggestions civilized!

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Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Merlin Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Tuesday January 22 2013

Time: 4:42PM

Your Comments

Roman-Hey Mou, You feel you can come back and do a better job with this team without telling the press you own the club?
Jose- Well it depends.....Will you give me absolute control this time? Roman- You almost sound like a dictator. Ive spent over 1billion and you want me to give it all up for you? Jose- (with a straight face) Yes!
and how do they know this, phone-tapping?? LoL
3nity is right...i think Mou's larger than life personality certainly doesnt sit too well with RA...Well they will have to find a balance for the fans sake, i think or at least for my peace of i cant wait for the day in the summer when José Manuel Mourinho Félix (aka JM x 4) is announced as our permanent manager...can't wait
Roman- hi mou, it seem u are at it again in real, I told u the sun and moon don't set with only ur say so, though I admit chelsea lost a part of it soul since u left, can u come back and do a better job now? Most expecially regarding the youths
Roman- Jose,you know you want this job,stop acting like you dont. Perez told me he's sacking you this august. Only problem i have with you is your ability to leave a club after 2/3 seasons.I will bring back hiddink to support you,yes? Can you sign a 10yr contract? The fans want you to die here. Jose- Why not? With a pay-off of 1billion incase you sack me after 2weeks. It will guarantee my job and give the fans some assurance. Can you sack buck,gourlay and bring in some football minds to run the club then? Roman- Jose,there you go again,talking like we own this club together! Ill text you next week!
RA: "Mate, I heard you were sued for the use of inappropriate language. What was it?" Mou:"I called Torres a striker"
Jose - Boss can you promise me there will not be a repeat of the Sheva situation because that is how when our relationship started to decline? RA: i dont do that anymore mate, i do learn from my mistakes you know...and since then i even bought Torres for that clown Carlo and look what happened, thats why i had to let him go...anyway lets i shall hold off on the Radamel Falcao situation till you advise....
jose should come , we have a player in drogba's mould , lukaku , i hope he can work with him
Merlin, 58 plus 28 is 86%. I can only think the remaining 14% is reserved for the referees?
I`m sorry Jose. I`m sorry too Roman. I still love you and life hasn`t been the same since you left, we keep losing at home. Well I must say, that I love you as well, I`ve missed you so much and my daughter needs a new car now that she has moved back to london. If you make it a Blue one, I`ll sign for a year.
JM- Hello Roman. RA- hoo this is!!! JM- Please don’t call me arrogant, because what I am saying is true. I am European champion and I fink I am the special one. RA- HAHAHA My Chelsea is current European Champions, but I want more stars. You can do? JM- if d d d d d d competition is absolutely normal, without nothing strange, I would love that and I will win but I fink you have to sell lady boy first. RA- WHAAAAAT? JM-Torres had one touch on a ball in 80 minutes. What is Torres compared to Drogba? RA-HAHAHA. JM- I am serious, you are laufing but I am serious. RA-OK! OK! I will sell him. But I am going to surprise you every year with one new “flop” signing. JM-Nobody asks me who I want to sign!!! RA-Who do you want to sign Jose? JM-Sorry, it’s too late. RA- OK! OK! I won’t make stupid signings. JM- Very good. It will be holiday in country in the summer because I am coming back. RA – I miss you Jose, you are truly the special one. JM- I miss you too Roman.
Lmao.... It seems the british media are so in love with roman so much so that everyday they manufacture news and gossip bits to keep roman in the news and sell their papers. Now that pep has gone to beryern, they ve turned to jose.
Chelz Akamz
JM - I'll come back if you give me total control. RA - No.
Let's be honest, there are two conflicting personalities here, I think either one of them has to cave (which is in neither of their personalities), or they have to learn a new way to work together.
@Mq,...buhahahaha!!...'phone tapping??'..crazy you!!
Abra-So how's real.? mou-it's okay not that great. mou-how's chelsea.? Abra- CUT THE CRAP MOU , CHELSEA'S IN A *****HOLE AND WE NEED YOU BACK mou-booking a flight in the summer , cya soon xoxoxooxx
Am certainly adopting the wait and see approach in this one. No need pondering over it.
JM: You need me, you know it. Know why? #iamspecialone #noonebetter #trytofindsomeonebetter #youwillfail #becauseiamspecialone. RA: I buy hashtag. JM: ...
A saber inspired post there ;)
This is great stuff..nothing like a little levity to lighten the mood here. Here is my stab at it; Roman; Hello is this Jose? Jose; No it is the special one here Roman; there you go again. Anyway do you have any summer plans? Jose; What do you mean summer plans? Do you have any suggestions? Roman; Come now Jose..we have known each other for more than a decade, you know those jokers at Madrid dont deserve you and much as it pains me to say this to your face these fans here at the Bridge continue having wet dreams of you returning like the messiah did to Jerusalem Jose; I did say i am the special one and you know it is true. Roman; So how about it?.you know you want to come back and i just want at least 3 more champions league stars in my lifetime with Chelsea. Jose; You know and i know i can deliver but how about this business of trojan gifts like the whole Sheva business. Roman; Come now..dont be like that..are you telling me you are still holding that against me? Jose; You know how i operate..i need to have control about players in and out..i dont want liabilities..that way when the trophies come it is clear who made it so and if not you can release me. Roman; Look Jose i am a changed man..i am looking for someone to build a long term project...are you in? i will even bring Hiddink to serve a buffer so that all player deals will need to be agreed on by at least 2 of the 3 of us. Jose; Hiddink knows his footie...let me think on have my email..have your boys Mike, Ron and Bruce send me an offer with the stipulation of Hiddink as third person of the trimuvarate of you, me and him...i wont lie i miss Chelsea Roman; You will have it in the next few hours..We all miss you here...i know that everyone of those BPL clubs are praying you dont come back and certainly not to Chelsea...i cant wait to reestablish the Roman...i mean Chelsea empire over them once again once you get here. Jose..i didnt say i was coming..i said i would look over the offer.. Roman..Come now..dont be like are know it..i know the way i have special gift for your daughter..i heard she recently celebrated her birthday..when you return the signed papers send one of your boys from madrid to drop it of at my yatch stationed there on the coast...they will be able to pick up the little gift as well. Jose; Well Okay Roman...i will accept the gift so as not to offend you but till i see the offer i can promise nothing and my people still need to look over the papers to make sure everything is as we have discussed. Roman; Come know me..any way i,ll call you again after you have received the papers. Jose; I,ll be in touch..i still have to complete the business here at Real..all things being equal by the end of the Champions league this year my debt to them should be paid in full and i can leave them to see what la Liga looks like with Real being just another one of the 19 teams competing for distant second to Barca..what a bunch of ingrates!!!
RA: helo JOSE?? JM: YES BOSS! RA: you still call me that! JM: dat wat u re, and besides,u neva know RA: k, Jose,how did our relationship get so bad? I mean,we were perfect 2geda. JM: yes we were,cant really say,but i know Sheva didnt help RA: yea,right. Now i've won almost everything i need to win. JM: yes,me too. RA: HAHAHA! K,,jose? JM: huh!! RA: can you play like Barca,i mean good football?? JM:not like Barca,but good football? Yes! RA:k, we 'll be in touch.
RA-Ola. JM-allo. RA-Are you hungry? JM-For success? RA-Well success later after we cannibalise Mr Torres & Mr Benitez before the Chelsea faithfull do! RA-Well you up for it? JM-Tapas? RA-;-) JM-Can Ray & Robbie come? RA- errrrrm, okay! JM- Tell me where and when! RA-I'll call you 2Moro u my little special one;) JM-Feck off..... RA-Jose be nice! JM-Do you want me back? RA-If you understand me boss you slave!!! JM-Urgh ok you win, I'll see you for our feast then I'll be back in August for good! RA- Thank **** for that, I hate losing at home, cheers Jose! JM-Actually no I'm going to take a ****ing sabbatical. The end
Any chance of having JM back he will want a condition not to play Roman's pet project known as that overpaid "diva" FT9.
JM - Can I please come back to Chelsea? RA - No. (Call ends).
mou: i told you to leave the team to the did't listen...80 mill down the drain...that is a lot of money... ra: 80 million is a full tank on all my yachts...its nothing... mou: look at it this way...cfc pays 80 million for duds...real pay 80 mill for Ronaldo...
mou: i told you to leave the team to the did't listen...80 mill down the drain...that is a lot of money... ra: 80 million is a full tank on all my yachts...its nothing... mou: look at it this way...cfc pays 80 million for duds...real pay 80 mill for Ronaldo...
ROMAN---Jose will you come back to manage chelsea once again JOSE-----yesss roman..why know how much i love chelsea... chelsea is in my heart its is in my blood, i love that place i love all the players i have a great relationship with everyone...i will roman i will... ROMAN------but you have to make Torres score and bring back him to form Jose hangs the phone after hearing that.. ROMAN-----hello,Jose are you there ROMAN-----hello hello After that Jose changed his mobile no...
Roman-Mou, is this line secure? Have you decided to come back to papa. Mourinho-Its all secured. Yes I'm back, but I need absolute control.
lmao @ shlok27...this thread is goood value
ROMAN:Mou..the bridge is near collapse with all the money I spent last summer..mOU: Roman Roman, you know i bleed blue, i Follow the result of the chelsea's matches and the home results are a big shame..remember I never loose at the bridge..,Roman; could you gime a piece of advise, the fans are almost runing riot because I appointed the fat spanish waiter...Mou:*shaking his head...Roman why did you do that?...Roman: Oh no...I was scared to my pants 80million will go down the drain, dimatteo was looking confused already and that was the only option available...Mou..could you give me the name of coaches I could appoint come next summer to appease the fans and ensure stability with good results??...Mou: I tot AVB was supposed to give you that...Roman: I liked him, but instead of doing the project he was busy ''thilabuting'' with the senior players...I sacked him and I am sacking the senior players as well...I want a fresh atmoshere in the dressing room...could you gimme the name of the coach now?...Mou:'ll have to think a bit...oh yes I have it now...The speical one who bleeds blue...Roman; are you kidding me.? you mean you wanta come back?....Mou: I told you I bleed blue...Roman: I tot you'll stay with madrid since they have a bigger history...Mou: Madrid? chance in liga lost now..Cassilas a basket, perez an its my third season and you know what happens in my third season...i dont even wanta wait till the end cos i feel team will soon implode similar to Inter....Roman:...Mou then you cant come to chelsea...i have the brightest young taalents and dont want them scattered after 3 seasons...especially MAZACAR...Mou:.Roman..I will be fifty, I am tired of changing clubs and chelsea is just perfect for me...i still bleed blue..Roman: Do you now bleed blue because you will soon be jobless?..i think perez will sack you if dont win CL...Roman:feck Perez!..I will resign before he am I coming to the bridge next summer?...Roman: its as good as done...'ll start getting the papers ready...Mou: wail a minute...I dont want another sheva...cant share the same locker with the blonde...Roman: I dont want sheva too so I plan to move the blonde to one of yatches until I find a use for him maybe with Malouda.....Mou: that will be good, then you get me falcao!..Roman: Mou that time has passed there is FFP...Mou: get me falcao and we'll simply name stamford bridge Roman bridge and get funds to beat FFP...Roman you know you are always dirty...Roman" feck off mou and start packing your bag...Mou: and Lampard?...Roman: he was already gone in my mind since I sacked AVB...Mou: hmmm....ok deal then......'ll be back home next summer...Roman: Better hurry!!!....Mou is very happy adn starts to say to do I feck perez?...I will simply tell perez Modric and Higuin are no longer a part of my plans and loan them to chelsea...with an option to buy permenently in the summer...then hopfully madrid finishes 7th in laliga...will watch Perez, Ramos and Cassilas crying like babies...and then m off to england...will be happy for madrid to crumble finaly once i am gone...I am off in the summer...bravo...I hope to beat fergerson's records at chelsea so long as Roman stops smoking weeed....holy I dint cut the fone...!!!...Roman: nice plan you cuning ********...but I dont smoke weed!!...see you soon......
@layorh looool you joker...nice one
@jOHNNYOz...thanks mate...its something to use to cool's is kinda crazy...numbers flying everywhere...thank God for chelsea...
Thank God for Chelsea indeed.. :)
LoOooooooooooOooooool....... Nice ones guys, atleast this place looks less than alcatraz with this article.
Layorh12..your version is the absolute best..very creative and dangerously funny. I had to stop myself laughing out loud in the office here. Thanks a bunch!!!
@GabeU thanks...I am very flattered..I hope your day has been great.!
Mourinho coming back to Chelsea will mean that Abramovic was wrong all along in his pursuit of perfection. IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN! I am fully behind Abramovic! Chelsea is and will survive WITHOUT MOURINHO.

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